Hello friends! What a month April was.
The beginning of May was a rough start too….
Head junk can be a rough thing to deal with. I hate it.
The feelings of not being good enough ran through my head as if they never left, and maybe they had not just went dormant for a bit.
BUT I started thinking …..who am I not good enough for? Which just reared more ugliness.
The fact I am alone…I was not good enough to save my marriage…The fact I am not good enough to find a man that cares enough about me to overlook the imperfections I have…which are many!
Part of me knows I do not need a man to complete me, but the other half of me really yearns for that, so there is a waging war within me all the time! I hate it! I try to keep myself busy helping others, being with my kids, studying…oh so very much studying to strengthen my faith, doing things and being their for my friends that are hurting in other ways too, but somehow the loneliness creeps right back in! It has hit hard recently and that I know is a big factor in the head junk…the out of control eating resulting in the weight gain and that is a viscous cycle I am trying desperately to break.
I am going to get through this…I am an optimist, though on the realist side of optimism, and I know I can do this. I can get my head where it needs to be and do it for me….
I need, no I am breathing…refocusing….moving forward on breath at a time!